There will be rain...but God is bigger than the rain.

"Into each life some rain must fall."  That is from a song sung by the Inkspots in 1944, but my Mom used to say it to me when I was growing up.  It generally would be said when things were not going my way and I was being a bit of a brat about it.  But, it's a true statement.  In life, there will be times of rain.  Times when things just don't go the way you planned.  When something happens that throws you for a loop.  Leading during those times can be difficult because our focus can easily be on ourselves...and in some ways it needs to be. 

Rain can come in many forms.  It can be an unexpected big expense that you have to find a way to afford (like a car or home repair).  It can be a family crisis like an extreme illness or death.  It could even be a job change or some other life transistion.  Sometimes the rain is annoying but not overwhelming.  Sometimes it comes in huge torrents that you're not sure how you will ever get through.  The only thing we can be sure of is that in life, there will be rain.  And we still have to lead even in the midst of that rain. 

So what do we do when the rain hits?  Here are a few things I've learned from my own rainstorms:

1)  Don't forget your time with God
When the rain comes, it can be easy to get so focused on whatever the problem is that we neglect our time with the Lord.  And when the rain feels torrential, sometimes it seems like it's all we can do to get through the day...But keep your focus on the One who is bigger than the rain.  Depending on what is going on in your life, you may not be able to form the words you want to say, but that's ok.  Sometimes just being in His presence is enough.  Lean on Him.  Let His strength be your strength.  He won't let you down. 

2) Don't try to go it alone
Sometimes, in ministry, we feel like we are islands.  But we are not.  Share your burden with your spouse, or if like me, you're not married, share with a friend or family member.  Sometimes just hashing out an issue with someone you trust can change your whole perspective. You don't have to publicly share your pain on Facebook, but you should share it with a trusted confidant. 

3) It's ok for your congregation to know you are hurting
In the past 7 months, I lost both my Grandfather and Grandmother.  And it has been a process to deal with the grief of their passing.  In fact, I'm still grieving, but my church family was amazing. My Grandfather's passing was unexpected and quick and my church family hugged me and prayed for me during those shocking days.  Then five weeks later, my Grandmother's death came after watching her weaken for 10 days in the hospital.  On the day she passed, several people from my church showed up to the hospital, gathered around me and prayed.  I can't tell you how much that meant to me.  In the days and weeks that followed, they were a constant source of strength during a very trying time.  We pastors don't always share all the things going on in our lives with those in our ministry, but there are times when it is appropriate to let the congregation know our hearts are hurting.  Let them be the hands and feet of Jesus during those difficult times in your life.

4) Don't be afraid to get professional help when it's needed.
Sometimes, it takes more than advice from a friend or spouse when the rain is falling particularly hard.  In those times, don't be afraid to reach out to a Christian counselor or therapist.  As Pastors, it is not uncommon for us to refer people to get counselling during particularly difficult times in their lives and sometimes we need to take our own advice.  It is much better to reach out for help than to continually struggle without improvement. 

Rain will come, but Praise the Lord that He is with us in the midst of the rain.  And in the words of that great Gaither song, and He will sustain us "till the storm passes by."   

Stress Relief...

Any kind of ministry is stressful.  There is always something waiting to be done, someone you need to contact, a schedule to prepare, a meeting to attend, and the list goes on an on.  When you add to that the normal stresses of life and family, you can easily feel overwhelmed.  For me, there is an added component in that I have a neuromuscular disorder that will flair up if I am under too much stress.  So believe me when I say that it is important that you find ways to relieve stress because it can do a lot of damage to your physical and mental well being.   I am not a doctor, but because of my own situation, I have had to find things that help me relieve stress in order to be able to function normally.  So below are a few things that have helped me to keep my stress levels at a reasonable level.  Perhaps they can be of use to you as well.

Remember Who is really in charge
We often try to do everything ourselves.  We want all our ducks in a row and when things don't go according to plan we can get very put out.  But, here is the thing, no matter how much we try to control everything around us, there is always going to be something else that we wish we could change or that we wish were different.   Keep reminding yourself that God is in charge and you are a tool for Him to use, but you are not the whole toolbox.  You are not meant to do everything.  Keep up with your devotions and prayer time so that you keep your focus on the right things.  This one thing, in itself, will do wonders for keeping your stress levels at bay.
 
Take your day off
I have mentioned this is other blogs, but it is too important not to repeat.  You are not superhuman and your body needs time to rest.  So, make sure you take your day off.  And make sure that at least part of that day is indeed restful.  I know people who pack so much into their "day off" that it's actually more busy than a work day.  Those are fine sometimes because, after all, there are things that must be done, but being overly busy on every day off is not giving your body and mind the rest it needs.  If nothing else, set aside a couple hours for something that you enjoy and find restful.  That will be different for everyone.  Some people love gardening and find it refreshing and rejuvenating to do so.  For others, being in a garden is just hard work.  Similarly, for some sitting down and reading a book or watching a tv show is relaxing, but for others, they need to be moving to be able to relax.  The important thing is that you find something that you find restful and make sure to include that into your schedule regularly.  

Laugh
Laughter is a great stress reliever.  Take the time to laugh with your family and friends.  Life is a serious prospect, but don't be too serious.  Have fun. 

Find a hobby
This sort of goes back to taking your day off, but it is important that there is something you like to do that is outside of work and family.  Whether it is bicycling, reading, fishing, playing a video game, or some other activity, it is important that you have a hobby that you can do to unwind. 

Cultivate friendships
Our friends are an important part of our lives.  Don't let your friendships continually take the backseat in your life. There are three or four women in my life who are my confidants and supporters, but are also willing to tell me what I need to hear even when I don't want to hear it. It is important that I stay connected to those women.  You don't have to see people every day to keep a friendship strong.  Two of my very closest friends live literally hundreds of miles from me, but because of phone calls, texts, and social media, we are as close as we ever were.  Don't let friendships fall by the wayside.  They are vital to our well being. 

Everyone deals with stress a bit differently, but hopefully these tips are as helpful to you as they have been to me.

Until next week! 
  

When Conflict strikes...

No one likes it.  We all try to avoid it, but conflict will creep into all our lives and ministries from time to time.  It's not pleasant, but it is something that happens.  How we react to conflict says a lot more about us than we often realize, so it is important that we handle it well.  Below are a few techniques that I've gleaned and used from various sources and workshops.  It's not a foolproof plan for stopping conflict, but hopefully it helps me deal with it in a Christ like manner.

When a person is upset with you: 
1)  Pray
       Take the situation to your Heavenly Father first and foremost. Pray for guidance in how to resolve the situation that has presented itself.

2)  Talk to your Pastor
      I have always found discussing situations with my Senior Pastor very helpful before I begin to deal with a conflict.  There are sometimes things going on that I may not be aware of that could change the way I deal with the situation.  He or She is the Shepherd of the church and getting their council is always an important step to dealing with conflict.

3)  Meet directly with the person who is upset
         Avoiding the situation rarely makes it better and often makes the problem worse.  So, when you hear of an issue, meet with the person who has the issue directly.

4)  Do not meet with them alone
        You need a third person in the room.  It is too easy for conversations to become "he said, she said" when it is just two people alone.  The third person should not necessarily take part in the conversation, but should be there to listen to both sides.  Your Pastor or a Board Member would be a good choice for this. 

5)  Listen to them. 
        Sometimes conflict can be sorted out and dealt with simply by hearing out the person who is upset.  Don't interrupt them.  Let them fully tell you what is bothering them.  Once you truly understand what the problem is, it can be dealt with easier.
  
6) Don't get angry or show offense
        It's not fun to be yelled at or have something important to you torn a part by the words of someone else, but stay calm.  The person who is upset will have difficulty staying that way, if you simply do not reciprocate their anger.   And if they do not calm down, they probably will not hear what you have to say anyway, so let them vent...then calmly respond to what they have said.  Trust me when I say that this is NOT easy, but in my experience, it is the best way to deal with someone who is truly angry about something.  After they have told you what it is they are upset about, an appropriate beginning response might be something to the effect of, "Thank you for sharing that with me.  I was unaware of the situation and I will be glad to look into it.  I'm so sorry it has upset you in this way.  Is there anything else you feel I should know?"
    
7)  Don't feed the rumor mill
         Along with conflict, rumors often begin to circulate.  Make sure they do not start or continue with you.  When I need to deal with conflict, it is my policy that no one in my church outside the situation at hand needs to know about the situation.  If it affects someone else, then they only need to know up to what it necessary for them to know.  For example, if "Martha" decides, due to a conflict, that she is not going to work in Children's Ministry any longer, then my Children's Ministry Team needs only to know from me that Martha is stepping down and we will need to replace her position.  The details of the situation do not need to be made known unless they are brought up...and even then, give as little information as possible.  Be truthful always, but unless it is truly warranted, details are rarely necessary.  And when possible, squash the rumors you hear.


There is no "one size fits all" resolution format when it come to conflict.  It comes in too many forms and fashions.  The only thing you can truly control is how you will respond to it.  These things have been helpful for me, I hope they will be for you as well.

Until next week!