When You Feel Alone...

Grandma James and I

Two years ago today started what was to this point in my life, the hardest thing I ever had to go through.  It was two years ago today, that my Grandma James, (whom I lived with and helped care for) was admitted to the hospital in a series of events that would end with her passing 12 days later.  At first, it didn't seem too serious.  Grandma was quite ill, but she was admitted to the hospital and seemed to be improving.

Then Everything Changed.

It was so sudden.  She went from doing ok, to literally she could die at any moment and I didn't know what to do.  Though it wasn't normally the case, at that point in time, much of my family was out of town.  My Aunt (who had Grandma's power of attorney and medical proxy), Uncle, and Cousins were out of state on vacation, my brother was at his home in Ohio, my parents were at their home in West Virginia.  All the Doctors and Nurses were looking to me for answers to questions that I simply couldn't answer and I really thought I was going to fall apart.  So much had been happening up to that point that I had literally told a friend the day before that I didn't think I could handle one more thing.  I was as far down as I had ever been and didn't know what to do.  I felt utterly alone.

But I wasn't alone.  The day before I had contacted one of my Aunts on the other side of the family and asked if she would come sit with me, which she gladly did.  So when Grandma took a turn for the worse, she was there.  Right there...holding me up so I wouldn't fall.  Other family and friends started helping however possible.  People from my church showed up via text, in person, on the phone, on facebook, and let me know that they were praying for me.  And then within 12 hours all the family who had been out of State was also with me.

Psalm 94:17-19 (NIV) says:
¹⁷ Unless the Lord had given me help,
    I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
¹⁸ When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
    your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy.

Those words speak to me in a very special way because that is exactly how I felt two years ago.  I felt like "my foot was slipping", but true to his Word, just when I thought I would fall apart, God made sure that the support I needed would be there.  

Those next few days are a bit of a blur.  As we sat and waited for the end that we knew was drawing near for Grandma, we looked to the Lord for strength and to those around us for encouragement.  So many people...from literally all over the world, stood with us during that time.  Some were in the room with us, some were holding us in prayer from all parts of the globe, but all were with us and we felt their prayers.  

So, why write about this?  Because we all go through times where we feel alone.  Ministry is tough and while Pastors go visit their parishioners when someone is in difficult circumstances, when we Pastors are in difficult circumstances sometimes we don't know how to reach out for help. We sometimes feel like we are "just supposed to handle it" because we are the Pastor.  But I want to encourage you to remember that no matter what is happening in your life, you are not alone...and you are don't have to "just handle it" when times are hard.  Not only will God walk those difficult paths with us, if we will allow it, He will send others to walk with us as well.  But we have to be vulnerable enough to accept that help.  

Having been in the depths of confusion, frustration, sadness, and helplessness, I can attest that it's not a place I want to go to go back to, but if life takes me there again, I will continue to lean on the One who made me, but I won't be afraid to reach out for help from those He sends to walk with me.  

Have a blessed week everyone! 

Connections

It is easy, when one works in Children's Ministry, to be isolated.  In general, the Children's Department is often at the far end, far side or the basement of the church building.  Many times this is so that there is not a sound issue (either the kids disrupting the service in sanctuary or vice versa), or so that security is better for the children.  But, even if your area is not at the far reaches of the church building, you can easily feel like you are not connected to the rest of the church.

Because you are not in the sanctuary on Sunday mornings, you may not know all the adults.  I can't tell you the number of conversations I've had with people over the years where they have tried to help me remember who someone is by telling me where they sit in the sanctuary.  This, of course, is at best hit or miss since I am not in the sanctuary most of the time.  Or perhaps, you miss an announcement because it isn't in the bulletin, but was verbally announced during a service.  And, of course, you generally have no idea what has happened in the main sanctuary on any given Sunday, so you can easily feel out of the loop when someone comes up to you and starts talking to you about the music, testimonies, or sermon that was given.  They usually genuinely do not realize that you have no idea what they are talking about since, after all you were at church, but you were leading Children's Church at the same time.

Being isolated is somewhat part of the job, but we need to do our best to keep it at a minimum if we want our ministries to be effective.  So, here are some ideas of how to stay "in the loop."

Keep in contact with your Pastor:  This is something that it seems should go without saying, but it is super easy to get disconnected from your Pastor and that is a recipe for disaster.  You always need to be on the same page as the rest of the leadership in your church and that begins with your Pastor.  Talk to him or her and make sure he/she is aware of what is going on in your department and make sure you are staying within the focus he/she is trying to bring to the rest of the church.
 
Staff Meetings:  Most churches have weekly, bi-monthly, or monthly staff meetings.  Use these times to keep up to date.  Make sure you know what is happening in other ministries of the church and make sure they know what is happening in your ministry.  For me, there is nothing much more embarrassing than having a parent ask me a question about something happening at church, and I didn't even know the thing they are talking about existed.  So, make sure you take good notes in your
staff meeting so that you can be up to date with all the church happenings.

Have a Support Team:  For one of the classes I took recently, I had to set up a congregational support team.  Basically it was four people who would help evaluate my effectiveness and training as well as support me in prayer.  But they have become so much more than that to me.  These four women are my "go to people" when I need prayer, when I need a brutally honest evaluation of a project, they celebrate with me when something exciting happens in ministry, or since three of them are not in my Children's Department, sometimes they fill me in about something that happened in a worship service I did not get to attend.  I am always comfortable asking them questions or getting feedback from them.  These women are so amazing and they help me more than I can say. 

Other Children's Pastors or Directors:
Unless you are in an extremely rural area, it is probably safe to assume that there are other Children's Pastors or Children's Directors around where you minister.  Try to get together with them from time to time.  You don't all have to be from the same denomination to support one another.  In my current area, all the Children's Pastors/Directors are invited to meet at Panera Bread about once a month.  We come from various denominations and we don't all always get to go, but it's an awesome time of fellowship for those who can attend.  We share about upcoming events or programs, discuss ways to deal with problems that may have come up, and just generally encourage one another.  If that type of gathering isn't an option for you, go about making a connection with at least one other Children's Minister in your area...even if it is simply a phone call to check in once in a while.  The support of others in your field of ministry is really something you can not do without.

Isolation is a tool the devil can use to try to defeat us in our ministries.  I hope these ideas help you to find ways to avoid that pitfall.